Common Misconceptions

Misconception: Child abusers are usually strangers, deranged misfits who abduct children and use physical force to abuse them.

In the vast majority of cases—from 85 to 90 percent by some estimates—the abuser is a person the child knows and trusts. Rather than using force, abusers often manipulate the child into sexual acts gradually, taking advantage of the child’s limited experience and reasoning ability.

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These abusers are not the drooling loners of the stereotype. Many are quite religious, respected, and well liked in the community. According to the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation, “to assume that someone is not a pedophile simply because he is nice, goes to church, works hard, is kind to animals, and so on, is absurd.” Recent research suggests that it is also wrong to assume that all abusers are male or that all victims are female.

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Misconception: Children fantasize or lie about sexual abuse.

Under normal circumstances children lack the experience or sophistication in sexual matters to invent explicit claims of abuse, although some small children may become confused about details. Even the most skeptical of researchers agree that most claims of abuse are valid. Consider the book Sex Abuse Hysteria—Salem Witch Trials Revisited, which focuses on false claims of abuse. * This book admits: “Genuine sex abuse of children is widespread and the vast majority of sex abuse allegations of children . . . are likely to be justified (perhaps 95% or more).”

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Children find it enormously difficult to report abuse. When they do lie about abuse, it is most often to deny that it happened even though it actually did.

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Misconception: Children are seductive and frequently bring the abuse on themselves by their conduct.

This notion is particularly warped, since, in effect, it blames the victim for the abuse. Children have no real concept of sexuality. They have no idea of what such activity implies or of how it will change them. They are therefore incapable of consenting to it in any meaningful way. It is the abuser, and the abuser alone, who bears the blame for the abuse.

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Misconception: When children disclose abuse, parents should teach them to refrain from talking about it and to ‘put it behind them.’

Who is best served if the child keeps silent about the abuse? Is it not the abuser? In fact, studies have shown that denial with emotional suppression may be the least effective way to deal with the trauma of abuse. Of the nine coping methods used by one group of adult survivors studied in England, the ones who denied, avoided, or suppressed the issue suffered the greater emotional maladjustment and distress in adult life. If you experienced a terrifying assault, would you want to be told not to talk about it? Why tell a child such a thing?

Allowing the child the normal reaction to such a terrible event, such as grief, anger, mourning, will give him the opportunity eventually to put the abuse in the past.

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An Abused or Neglected Child/Teen

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NOTE: The Following was taking from www.familysafetyandhealing.org

The Center for Family Safety and Healing

655 East Livingston Avenue, Columbus, OH 43205

(614) 722-8200

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Child abuse includes physical, sexual, verbal or emotional abuse and neglect. Protecting children from abuse and neglect is a community responsibility. Most adults want to help but are unsure of how to get involved. Figuring out what to do can be a difficult and confusing process. If you think a child is being abused or neglected, you should report it as soon as you become aware of it. Do not wait, as time can make a difference! If an incident has happened within the last 96 hours, an immediate medical assessment may be necessary.

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Recognize

It is important to know that these specific indicators may or may not be present in children who have been abused or neglected. Every child is different. Also, children display their feelings in many ways. Children who are experiencing emotional issues unrelated to abuse or neglect may display some of these same behaviors. If you have questions about your child's behavior or development, you should contact your primary care provider or pediatrician. Physicians are trained in child development and should be able to assist you in recognizing areas of concern.

Physical abuse is the non-accidental injury to a child. Possible signs of physical abuse are:

Physical Signs

• Unexplained or repeated bruising

• Unexplained burns

• Other unexplained or repeated injuries

Behavioral Signs

• Behavioral extremes (withdrawn, quiet, angry, immature behavior)

• Excessive fear of parent(s), caregiver(s) or going home

• Unusual shyness, wariness of physical contact

• Frequent attempts to hide injuries

• Depression, excessive crying

• Behavioral problems, truancy or running away

• Substance abuse

Sexual abuse is any act of a sexual nature upon or with a child. Possible signs of sexual abuse are:

Physical Signs

• Unexplained or frequent pain, including stomach or genital pain

• Sexually transmitted diseases

• Pregnancy

• Bruises or bleeding from external genitals, vagina or anal region

• Genital discharge

• Torn, stained or bloody underclothes

• Frequent, unexplained sore throats, yeast or urinary infections

Behavioral Signs

• Poor peer relationships, inability to relate to children of the same age

• Behaviors not common in older children, such as thumb sucking, bedwetting, fear of the dark

• Sudden changes in behavior

• Promiscuous or seductive behavior

• Aggression or behavior problems

• Prostitution

• Substance abuse

• Avoidance of recreational activity

• Sleep problems or nightmares

• Sudden decline in school performance

• In young children, an above normal focus on theirs or others' sexual organs

Neglect is the failure to act on behalf of a child. Possible signs of neglect are:

Physical Signs

• Uncleanliness or poor hygiene, including lice, scabies, severe or untreated diaper rash

• Untreated illness or injury

• Unsuitable clothing, missing key articles of clothing, such as socks, shoes or a coat

• Height and weight significantly below age level

Behavioral Signs

• Constant hunger, tiredness or lack of energy

• Begging or collecting leftovers

• Unusual school attendance (frequent absence, lateness, coming to school early or leaving late)

• Assuming adult responsibilities

• Vandalism or behavior problems

Environmental Signs

• Lack of food, heat or utilities in the house

• Lack of adult supervision

• Parent or caregiver does not appear to have the knowledge or skills about how to care for a child or has their own health concerns that interfere with parenting

Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior directed toward a child that damages their emotional well-being and self-esteem. Possible signs of emotional abuse are:

Physical Signs

• Bedwetting

• Frequent illness

• Unexplained health problems, such as headaches, nausea or stomach pains

Behavioral Signs

• Behaviors inappropriate for their age

• Fear of failure, overly high standards

• Mental or emotional developmental delays

• Avoidance of recreational activity

• Changes in mood or mood swings

• Poor peer relationships, inability to relate to children of the same age

• Attention-seeking behaviors